


Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

by Internetmeep



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alcoholics Anonymous, Angst, Basically narcotics anonymous, Chapter 1 just katya, Drug Addiction, Female trixie, M/M, Narcotics, Rehabilitation, but somehow also trixya, shes probably a sponsor or something idk yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 17:11:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14549409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Internetmeep/pseuds/Internetmeep
Summary: Brian Mccook isn't a drug user, he swears. However Katya is desperate for a fix. It's not that she's addicted she just needs to feel something other than numb. But brian can keep these worlds apart and so embarks on a quest of sobriety.His help along this path are many others in the same place and one sponsor who might just make a differenceOther characters may be involvedI do not mean to offend and this is purely fictional





	Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

**Author's Note:**

> I am not an addict and I in no way mean to offend anyone by this fic. I am not in any way trying to make light of any of these people's real life stories especially considering their experience and this fic is entirely fictional. It is not designed to be light hearted or mean anything I am purely writing as a means of coping with my real life issues.

Walking into that room for the first time was probably the most scary thing Katya had done so far. When you're an addict there isn't much that scares you. You can't let things scare you and you can't let anything get to you or make you feel guilty, you just need to focus on how you're able to get your next fix. But the thought of  getting sober was new and terrifying for Katya.

See, when you've hidden yourself for so long. When you spend your days hiding behind a mask of alcohol, weed meth and honestly any other substance you can get your hands on. It becomes very difficult to find yourself again. For Brian, this mask was Katya and he knew deep down Brian was still in there but to feel like himself and not the confident Russian Bisexual Transvestite Hooker that was Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova. At this point he wasn't too sure if he even wanted to find himself again. 

 Once the room was suitably filled the man who was sat at the front whom Katya assumed was the founder of the program got up and began to talk.

"Hello, I'm Wayland and I'm an addict." He began to say things which Katya had heard before, despite never staying in one of these programs for more than a couple days. Telling you to go to meetings get a sponsor, do all the things that you should. But then eventually he said a couple things that Katya hadn't heard before and it really stuck. He said "I know that I have another high left in me and I know that if I do it would be something I needed to do. But I honestly don't think I have another recovery left in me and I'm not prepared to live the rest of my life at that kind of speed." He also said "This is not a room in which you learn why you shouldn't take drugs because I'm pretty sure all of you are the case studies on why you shouldn't. This is a place where you learn to be honest again. Learn how to accept help and learn that the world isn't out to get you. If all you take from these sessions is that the world isn't out to get you then you will be doing a little bit better at this life game"

At this moment, Katya didn't know exactly what was meant by the fact that he wasn't willing to live at that speed and kind of thought he sounded like he was still an addict. Maybe that's how it works. Maybe there is no one who took too many times who is ever free. After all it's only ever I've been clean for however many years that when you weren't clean felt so far out of reach. Felt like 6 feet under the stars and layers of clay and mud and a sheet blanket of wood.

Katya decided she wasn't prepared to talk about her story yet. Didn't know how to form the words. Barely even knew how to think without a stimulating friend that held you every time you were down. The only thing to ever comfort you when you cried or warmed you when you slept under the park bench. But for now all she had to do to start the journey to a recovery he desperately needed. 

"And now it's that time again where we hand out chips so firstly and honestly the most important. If you feel you are a newcomer and feel you are here to begin a journey and feel like maybe the world might not quite be against you."

Katya stood up and everyone applauded in a way that almost made her dive right back into that chair. Almost made her leave the room and text the person she'd already deleted but will never forget the number of. But some little tiny voice in her head told her to keep going. She got the chip. And it was almost like she didn't know what it was. Didn't know what to do with it as she fumbled it in her fingers and was told she had a few minutes to talk if she wanted.

"Privyet menya zovut yekaterina petrovna zamolodchikova and I am an addict. I don't really know what to say and I can't even guarantee I'm not going to get high as soon as I leave but for the first time I'm not entirely sure I want to. And im seriously hoping that the doubt i have is going to get me through"

katya turned to the founder of the program and felt the need to apologise for not knowing what to say and the founder compares her share with her chip by saying that everything was a start and told her that until she gets a sponsor she can call him and here's his number and honestly having that doubt will sometimes be enough if you want this enough and remember to call me. 

To be completely honest everything that was said at that moment was a blur like being told you have a chronic illness or you are never going to see them again. That almost for a second made her understand quite what was meant by not living at speed.

Katya felt like maybe for one night she might be okay. She's at a point in her life where she has the money to live in a shitty and mould ridden apartment that is not safe to live in but allows her things to not be stolen, allows her to sleep without being beaten and pissed on and left for dead. Allows her to escape the paranoia that come from being stared at for being desperate and out of options and resorting to begging and cheating. If it wasn't for the fact she ended up on the street for being an addict this is when she'd start lying and stealing.

So all she has now is a ladder out of rock bottom and a apartment that most people wouldn't live in if they were payed but that didn't matter. Because she had a home and a new comer chip and a glimmer of hope at rebuilding her life again.


End file.
